I woke up sitting up to full view of the sun rising, I wrote (freestyle) morning pages, watched a video of Stephan Mitchel talking about writing as meditation while curled up my left side in the fetal position in my bed covers.
I drove to the doctors on less sleep and what felt like less oxygen than the average human and finally signed up for the doctors and found my NHS number. I had this pain before, for an entire year, not again.
I tidied the whole house as Singh was soon visiting and when you hurt your chest it hurts to rest and hurts to move around so you do a bit of both to ensure you keep breathing.
I spoke with a lady at the pharmacy counter to get some pills to help and she asked if it was a pulled muscle, I said no then walked around the shops like a walking zombie wondering if I could, in fact, pull a muscle from cleaning glass panes the night before, possibly? I bought some tiger balm for my muscles. When home I ate two pecan pastries and washed down medication I had surrendered to taking as the doctor’s line was busy.
I found an amazing Kundlaini style track on Gurbani MC – A hundred moons by Tera Naam. I felt I was supposed to find and play it on repeat that day. It made life liveable while in pain as I made a small batch of food before washing my hair.
I intuitively (freestyle) painted outside for the first time in a long time. I used to do this a lot when ill, in pain or any emotion distaste struck.
I made golden milk and read. The pain still there but subsiding.
I got a call Singh was on his way later that evening, I explained this was the most I’d ever been honest about how much pain I was in, I was surprised at my person triumph.
Singh reassured me we could go to A & E at any point and played Dukh Bhanjani (prayer) as I slept.
I woke up feeling alive again.
This isn’t a list of all the things I can do while ill or in pain, it’s a re discovery of the resources that are so helpful in healing that they appear time after time. Morning pages, Kundalini mantra music, Intuitive painting on big paper and Gurbani all present.
I also reflected on, if a muscular injury, how had I been looking after myself after swimming, doing yoga, exerting myself? Truth is I hadn’t, I’d found I’d given in to a loss of appetite and laziness and not eaten much or cooked a hot meal in days. There’s nothing like a whole lot of pain to show you another way.
Gurbani (compositions by the Sikh gurus) I find for me is always a source of inspiration and healing, the last three times menstrual pain has been almost unbearable till I read through the evening prayer Rehras and by the end, its settled down. There’s a part of a Sikh prayer Anand Sahib (song of bliss) that’s said in the morning and it’s at the end of an evening prayer too, that I really like the words too as it really resonates with health. I’ll end with this:
Anad sunhu vadbhaageeho sagal manorath pooray
Paarbarahm parabh paa-I-aa uturay sagal visooray
Dookh rog santaap utray sunee sachee banee
Listen to the song of bliss, O most fortunate ones; all your longings shall be fulfilled.
I have obtained the Supreme Lord God and all sorrows have been forgotten.
Pain, illness and suffering have departed, listening to the true Bani.