I thought earlier about writing a post about the ease I’m finding each Christmas that comes though soon after I worried about a low tyre and was reminded I could have bought some of the shopping Christmas Eve not just encouraged my mum to go out to town. She infact had a lovely time, ate an apple pastry topped with toffee, found herself some natural loose tea (apparently the Turkish apple tea on holiday was the best) and got a sale top along with vouchers for new year, so it’s not all bad! I will share some of the ease I’m noticing, as well as sharing my Christmas Eve happenings of 2018 and how we can all lend a hand even just if energetically.
I’ve felt at ease, to hold peace and joy even while shopping in town, the number of people growing by the hour, this year I bought almost all my presents in November, even that was mostly online though the Black Friday sale in the UK turned out to be regular Friday prices. I emailed my Aunt who wanted a book and my brothers got a £10 present, one of them would have been happy with nothing, I have set boundaries he has too, just buying for his son.
This shopping ease reminds me of last years shift when everyone in Sainsbury’s was buying trolley loads of party food, I looked at all my fresh vegetables and usual shop ‘Wow look how wonderfully green my trolley is!’
When it came to late December or early December pay day, I just went into town for a few items I needed or had wanted. No stress, no fretting, just leisurely shopping. I got the last of the gifts yesterday and honestly I wasn’t expecting to spend an extra £25+ but I got people gifts they had asked for instead of blindly guessing. I had fun catching up with a friend too!
I share this because it hasn’t always been this way and even when I talk about it with they friends they let out a big laugh in disbelief, it’s funny to explain now and watch their faces. Christmas shopping used to be a horrible experience but I used to pretend it was a shiny bright experience even I was fooled! I used to buy for people in the shared family I had at the time and didn’t know what to get them and when I asked it was seen as rude to ask so what? Just buy stuff anyway. One person had no expression when opening presents whatever they got too! It left me with no money for myself – the whole month, talk about crushing my self worth! My family have always been quiet easy to buy for and open to sharing what they actually want. My husband is too, we just get each other something we’ve really wanted and usually we know what that is if we’ve been taking about it long enough (this year me a fancy useful diary him trainers).
Basically I am so so greatful my life has turned out this way.
Other great wonders I’m thankful for is that by the time I went shopping they had stopped playing Christmas music and all was calm, the lower part of the house has a tree, tinsel and paperchains but my rooms are just same, I have fairy lights all year round. I love a Christmas scene but I also thrive on simplicity and not being visually overwhelmed. Everything just feels calmer when you turn your attention to spotting the tranquility around.
So back to the tyre incident and reminder, it got sorted for now and I learnt the average they are pumped up too also I’d like to take charge and keep one in my car again, not to be so reliant, I could of taken the lead in order to grow and actually use the one at petrol stations without being afraid I will get it wrong. To buy my own stuff more, no matter how generous and giving my mother is, to upgrade my life and tea collection myself gradually, Baked Apple and Apple and Cinnamon by Whittard are divine natural flavours.
I’m further aware to other people not feeling the ease too, what used to be a high energetic day for my parents, especially my Dad, has become tired and flustered. I want to share ease and joy and wonder or however I feel authentically with others and maybe they’ll find it in themselves too.
This Christmas Eve I have:
Checked in with my daily writing for bigger projects writing over 30 mins then went on to write this!
Lit some new incense by a photo of my wedding flowers I was given called Goverdhan.
I tried out a painting galaxies in my journal.
I got showered and into my pjamas early and ate brussel sprouts and cabbage for dinner.
I watched a comedy show with my family and while painting my nails, Click and Collect about two men (comedians Steven Merchant and Asim Chaudhry) travel 300 miles on Christmas Eve for a child’s dream toy at Christmas.
Merry Christmas, happy holidays, all my love Taran x