I’m writing a memoir, I feel like I am and I keep writing at short available times in my week. I’m writing again and it feels wonderful. (I want that sentence to read – I’ve written a memoir at some point).
Yet, I remember I’ve been here before. Twice before.
Time 1: At 18 with a poetry book with verses of metaphors of working a horrible job and an equally horrible relationship I relied on heavily. Perhaps it’s better that didn’t yet release. Though part of the failure of the process as I didn’t know to make it into a physical book, even to self publish or market it. The help I had was played against me ‘If you do/don’t do this I will/won’t help you’. That was 10 years ago, the software has changed and I can I believe try again. It also taught me to unclench my claws on the outcome at your never ever again rely so much on someone’s help.
Attempt 2: The year I was single, in my twenties. Ah yes, what seems like a distant memory being married and raising a child, did happen and it’s written about somewhere in my files. I’m learning it takes time to allow, follow, let in and live with trust and love, that’s what the book was themed on. I rushed it, I wrote and wrote for hours on days off, and sadly feels like for nothing. Still, I got words on a page and processed how I felt at what felt like the strangest time of my life.
This will be attempt 3, or my first success. I’m writing about life because it’s what I know to do. Like how Frida Kahlo painted self-portraits because she was the person she knew best.
This time I’m not rushing it, there will be an end goal, a deadline though if anything motherhood teaches you firstly – you can’t rush this transitional period of life. You can if you want to fall flat on your face. I’ll be writing this year 2021 and possibly 2022 too. I may feature some content on here though the majority will be hidden till release, this is a personal book and I’m writing for myself first.
I would love to do this the way I could only dream of – hire an agent, get a book deal, sign up to a publisher, have a marketing plan. Though who knows and self-publishing isn’t bad nor are kindle books. I want to get out of my comfort zone = people reading my book!
Some topics I’ll be exploring are motherhood, shame, acceptance and thriving exactly as I am.
Here is an except from the work in progress introduction:
It was as if that moment granted me new eyes to see why her Narcissistic traits began in the first place, something was unresolved and I felt her anger, regrets, negativity and criticism in full force like never before. On the outside I was calm Mama on the inside I felt sad and angry, I was hurt and I didn’t know why.I set aside time to read each day to learn more about human behaviour, childhood patterns and asked my family questions no one had before. I made a creative space for us to make art and meditate. I started writing again and liked it. I remembered happy childhood memories buried deep.This is the where the book birthed from, peeling back layers of myself minus the yoga and denouncing myself as my Nana’s apprentice.Who was I now?