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Finally Paris Hilton makes sense in her documentary This is Paris
September 25, 2020

I’ve known about Paris Hilton on and off since I was a teenager and now at 30 years I’m training as a counselor and learning about the effects of trauma. Below is a combination of my thoughts, experiences, and review.

I watched Paris Hilton as a teenager on The Simple Life, I saw clips of her carrying homemade collages to her grandparents and knew little about her as a self-made millionaire and saw her as a rich kid from a rich family. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that she’s still in the media, still a top celebrity as many have fizzled out over time.

There were a few things that didn’t add up from what I saw of Paris growing up (from the little I did watch back then as we had 5 channels, I probably watched it on a friend’s skybox).

Her voice went from a scale of very high to normal then quite low, it wasn’t consistent and it confused me. Were all rich kids this stupid or was she making it up on TV? This was before scripted reality shows became big and popular and asking farmers stupid questions, walking everywhere in heals and complaining at a simple task – really?! I’d see clips of her carry photo collages as family presents, a lovely hobby and gift though my basic understanding back then was people did that when they couldn’t afford to buy anything like me and my friends often did and wanted to do something thoughtful. She was super rich!

This is Paris free to watch on Youtube, I’ve learned a few things about Paris Hilton and as it was a reflective healing journey, it’s helped me understand parts of myself too.

When the Simple Life is brought up, she simply says ‘that wasn’t me’ I think what I’m getting from that is it was a character she made up to mask the hurt and trauma she had from her teens. It was a coping strategy, on the outside, it played her as a dumb blonde with a lot of privilege. I picked up on this when I was younger, intuitively it was confusing. Blonde she may be but she is smart and has worked her way through judgments, media, constant press, traveling all year, and has become extremely rich and resilient.

Paris’s mum features throughout the documentary and has revelatory moments, I’m reading The Conscious Parent at the moment and the author’s name here, makes a clear distinction we must all relate to in some way and strive for better is the difference between control and care. I feel what happened at 15 years old is that her mum controlled her in that she will not get into modeling, not stay out, not make a bad reputation for them, dress prim and proper, etc it was endless. While I believe everyone is doing the best they can and as a parent, you want the best and for your children not to make mistakes, it happens! We hurt, we feel, we learn. Yes, Paris may have been ‘naughty’ though ‘fixing’ her through adolescence camps was simply not going to work out. It only bought more trauma, times have changed since then and she wasn’t any worse than the people I grew up with. Behaviour is communication and though mixed with hormones in your teenage years, it can be a cry for help, a signal that someone is unhappy, or simply a wave of emotion that will eventually pass.

The stories of her at Provo were deeply saddening, I hope it has given her some release to tell her stories, I think it’s great she met up with other survivors and is part of the movement Breaking Code Silence. The time she spent in solitary sounds like the defining moment in her life, when you’re faced with a situation that will make or break you. It got me thinking more deeply about affirmations and visualisations too. When I was in my teens I did yoga in the mornings followed by journaling, throughout my twenties I did this too and eventually, my mantra became ‘I am a yoga teacher’, I wholeheartedly believed in the health benefits and joy I felt from breathing, stretching in yoga. I mentally repeated the mantra after meditation, throughout the day, on days where everything felt like it sucks. I believed it, even when it was hard as paying even £1000 to learn something seemed impossible. In 2017 I became a yoga teacher and have taught on and off ever since I achieved my goal and everything felt complete for a while.

However fast forward to now and I am doing 30 minute Pilates classes in the morning before meditation, zooming out completely, it may have been exercise I needed to feel mentally alert and energised, not necessarily the yoga. I didn’t become a yoga teacher for the money, though I wanted to help people how yoga helped me for years, and I have done for a few people. How this relates is that my new mantra was ‘I am a counselor’ or ‘I am a clinical psychiatrist’ may not be correct again. Today I’m starting an evening course on a journey to make that a reality. The thing is Paris zoomed out completely and was able to visualise being so successful that she would never have to rely on anyone ever again, that is the ultimate affirmation and one we could all aim for. The essence of a powerful autonomous woman and completely self-sufficient. Sure it could be put down to dissociation and another coping mechanism to survive though it is through God’s grace that moment happened.

It reminds me of a mantra Suze Orman recommends for her listeners on her podcast Women and Money, she describes it as the words that changed everything for her, I thought it was a bit eccentric and the furthest thing from me though I’m going to use it more now. It is this: I am powerful, I am successful, I earn £50,000 a year. You can add happy or whatever number you want.

The other surprising thing that has come forward from watching This is Paris, is following up on her Youtube, I watched the Artworks she makes at home (I also have had an art room in every space I’ve lived) and for a recent charity exhibition and auction and it is inspiring. It’s completely freestyle, outsider art, and pure expression, something I used to connect so deeply with. I’m dabbling in drawing on the iPad and collaging in my sketchbook. It’s truly opened me up creatively and I hope she offers prints someday I can put on my photo wall.

Overall much love and appreciation for Paris Hilton’s honesty, vulnerability, and courage.

Stay hot and Sliving (a term for self-empowered living).

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My anxiety has flared up – Here’s what’s helping
September 4, 2020

My anxiety flared up recently. I didn’t realise until for three days I couldn’t regulate my breath with exercise, activities I enjoy, or relaxing at all. I couldn’t figure out if it was my body or my mind, deep down I knew, though didn’t want to admit as I used the blood pressure monitor twice to find it low one morning and high the next day, that it was stress and anxiety. 

It’s been a while. 

It’s the kind where it causes physical heart palpitations, tightness, and the feeling of not enough breath in my body to go around. I can easily mistake it as something physical only, though it originated as something internal. 

Sometimes it can be a reaction to over-exercise, I once helped wash windows and the next day felt my heart was about to collapse, I love to exercise in the mornings though if there isn’t a decent warm down or I don’t have a relaxation at the end of it, I can feel a constricted high heart rate all day. (I’ve since switched to Pilates with Jo Tuffrey over Youtubers for this reason and give myself a 5-minute relaxation after then meditation). 

I reflected and reluctantly went over the possible (obvious) causes, it seemed ridiculous that a few things here and there caused so much difference that I physically felt in my body. 

The main contributors: I was holding onto some ongoing stress that wasn’t immediately mine and I was trying to distance myself from. It was the empathy and concern I felt for others and the fear of what if? When I feel something unfair has happened, it can really get to me. Then I can get anxious that people won’t tell me stuff because it will raise my anxiety again when it might ease it, as you’ll find as you read on. Job hunting relentlessly putting my cv out there only to return a few measly calls from agencies who aren’t as interested when I state I need part-time 2-3 days a week.

The final one: In preparation for college (and interest) I’ve started reading more in nap times, usually it was 10 minutes as she closed her eyes and drank a bottle knowing ‘Phew she doesn’t need me at this moment’. I’ve been reading a long chapter and more and while this is super relaxing, some books I’m reading at the moment feature heavily on abuse. Why love matters and The Conscious Parent are great books, they should also come with a trigger warning.

Another addition to my week, learning again, has been Emma Kenny’s live clinic, a TV present, and Psychologist, she answers peoples questions three times a week on her youtube channel. It’s interesting to hear how she deals with them as a therapist, she shares stories and advice on resilience and agency and I feel it builds my mental muscles for this type of thing. HOWEVER, listening to the show at 8.30 pm before bed, was NOT helpful and neither were the mornings either. 

How I have helped myself through a flare-up:

I’ll be honest, learning that there were two possible reasons for property damage made me focus less that someone was on a revengeful rampage and that I may be a less of a target (if any at all), I felt relief. 

The job-hunting continues. I’m applying for 3-4 positions once a day, I’ve moved it forward not to do it nap time and to take care that if I’m feeling overwhelmed, negative, and not hopeful, to revisit when I feel a bit better later in the day. 

The sensitive content: It may seem strange that I’m learning about horrendous treatment when I can easily fall into anxiety, though I feel it’s necessary to and will come up in my time studying to be a counselor. That being said, I’ve moved reading to afternoons, 10-30 minutes a day, sometimes I sit with what I feel after and breathe, other times I watch a fun show like Indian Matchmaking or The British Tribe Next Door. 

The live clinic I’ve stopped watching live, I watch when I can sit at the desk with a cup of tea or paint in my journal as I listen along, anywhere but the bed and not while multi-tasking. 

Other positive helpers:

  • Exercising 5 mornings a week 20-40 minutes.
  • Meditation 20-30 minutes afterward. 
  • Journaling 10-20 minutes a day and writing 3 main tasks to do a day. 
  • Talking on the phone with friends. 
  • Listening to what I FEEL to do rather than need or expect of myself and ALLOWING myself to enjoy it eg. Watching a show 1 hour a week doesn’t make me a lazy slob. Pancakes with peaches and chocolate sauce for lunch once in a while and buying a desk I’ve thought about getting for 6 months that was reduced in price. 
  • Writing three things I’m grateful for at the end of the day. I’ve since extended it to something I found hard and what I learned from it. 
  • Eating regularly and having hot drinks – Making a cup of tea and a snack before the little one wakes has made a huge difference as I no longer fret that I have a chest infection and instead feel calmer and steadier before the day begins.

Taking some me time out to browse glasses 🙂

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How to boost job searching and positive self care
August 18, 2020

It’s no secret that I’ve been job searching since before the pandemic Covid-19. I have set requirements on part-time hours and childcare, it all feels new to me.

In full I was job searching then a pandemic hit and I chose not to work with those who may have it (living with a younger person and older person), then a recession hit and I continued job searching.

I drew recently on what has helped through the process, as other people will be going through the daily grind of job applying, the ups, and downs of interview processes, and almosts.

The job boards can feel silent and like your pushing your cv through an empty pigeon-hole like a black hole.

Below are some things that have worked well for me, it’s reminded me to up my self-care. I apply for jobs then I get on with my day with some productivity, chores, and some time aside to read or laugh at a show.

I forgive myself often that I’m not where I want to be in a position that is a complete dream. I may find myself in a less than desirable job with awkward parking. If it means earning partly my way honestly then I am 100 percent up for it.

I include self care in the title because I reflect upon mental health as a self care must, a little goes a long way whether it be talking with others, exercise or meditation.

You can listen below to a podcast (also available on iTunes and Spotify) I go into more detail on what helps in the job searching process and what I’m doing for self-care. For the original drawing scroll to the bottom of the page.

Useful resources mentioned:

Brene Brown a great author, speaker and podcaster on Unlocking us

Pilates with Rinky 1 hour classes or contact Rinky on Facebook 

Jo Tuffrey pilates 30 minute classes

A lot of job sites have a CV checking service, I found it extremely useful.

In good news: the same day as I had podcasting and writing on my To Do list, an interview was scheduled and it went well! Things are still being processed and it looks like 3rd time lucky in the interview process. Thank you video calls!

Good luck if you too are in the job searching process, share your experiences below!

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6 Things I’m learning NOT teaching at the moment
August 12, 2020

At the start of Covid-19, I launched or rather propelled myself into teaching, making an online course, self-promotion on social media – the works. Then as the weeks went by, it dawned on me the only me time I had without any interruptions, a block of 1-2 hours was spent on Facebook, trying to tell people about the wonders of yoga only to have a sinking feeling that the people reading and liking were middle-aged Indian men. 

It felt empty, I felt empty. Sure I know others out there are doing the slog of building a business with a little one, though the biggest and best thing that’s come from this time is to allow me to see the full view of what I want in life. The bigger picture and the smaller picture of what I’m doing day to day too to get there. 

Nothing matched up or made sense anymore. 

I wanted to earn money to save for the future though was earning pennies teaching yoga. 

I wanted to go to college though spent no time researching, chasing up applications, or reading the subject. 

I learned a toddler needs a lot of attention and takes up a lot of energy and that I only had space for 1 max 2 projects. 

So I moved to teach a short meditation class, alas it wasn’t proving very popular and I did offer some free sessions though with teething, hot days and nights, practicing it fell away as I found if I did, that was the only thing I would get done and I had different priorities. 

That aside, I feel like I’m learning a lot about myself:

  • I set my most important task as applying for jobs in the morning, that way I’ve shown up, made an effort, and can follow up in the afternoons. 
  • I now do a 20-40 minute workout in the mornings before meditation and I’ve been mixing it up between Kundalini, Pilates, and Power Yoga. I’m enjoying being a student and not getting so attached to one style. Kundalini Yoga connects you to you though it’s easy to get focused on only that style. If anything doing other styles feels more balanced. I’m enjoying going with the flow more! I’m exploring which is best for me to stretch my whole body, align my posture, and raise my heart rate. Kundalini Yoga does do that though, in a 90-minute class, it can be done in less though it can feel rushed. 
  • I’m keeping track of my finances better with spreadsheets in Excel and the Kakebo method on paper. It teaches me that what we spend can be aligned with our values and goals. I made it very complicated though things have been simpler with the new method and I hope to share soon. 
  • We’ve had marriage relationship meltdowns throughout Covid-19! Thankfully though talking with friends, family and honest conversations with my partner things have gotten much better. We are more mindful now to talk to each other after work in a separate room to my mother in law, openly talked about counseling so we’re both on the same page that it is a positive effort and have bought a LOT of supplies to go wild swimming together (a hobby away from being parents). 
  • I’m enjoying my time for me, I’m journaling again, drawing on the iPad and reading again. I’ve even watched a movie in the last month! I feel I need a sense of accomplishment and relaxation each day as a mum and aim for productive nap times. I now see it doesn’t have to be ‘go go go’ and I can enjoy my time, I will teach again though I am completely happy not spending efforts on an empty no show class. 
  • Lastly, I have enrolled in college (my first choice before the pandemic), there’s still more information to come and it may be online though doable. This will be my number 1 priority and yoga can be an addition to it, not the other way round. 

Overall I’m exploring me again, different ways to fill my cup, to still my mind, to be in the present. It’s not easy though sometimes the best things aren’t ever easy. 

What are you learning personally or professionally during this time? Let me know in the comments below! 

P.S – I’m now 76/90 Days into Mul Mantra on my Mala each morning, not long to go now! 

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Things I miss about my hometown iPad drawing
July 24, 2020

Recently I drew a picture on the iPad of things I was missing about my hometown, the week I was due to share about it in my newsletter (sign up form on the side if you haven’t already) my hometown had a terrorist incident. Yep, the same ‘nothing ever happens in Reading’ a person caused terror to people in the park in the town center, killing three innocent people and injuring others in a two minute spree.

It shook me as it was one of the first non Covid-19 news stories on TV, a place I’ve been going to on and off since my teenage years, the last time being as a family. It’s reminded me to be more aware and vigilant at outdoor spaces.

At the time, lockdown rules were easing and ‘bubbles’ of people were meeting up, though still, our monthly trip went amiss. I wrote and drew it focusing on what I missed and how I felt.

It’s become a big theme of mine (especially in this time) to feel and share it, to feel and explore it before I go off and do twenty other things.

To stop and notice how I feel and realise it’s ok to feel differently from others.

Some of the things mentioned give room for personal growth, better money management and to appreciate the cultural difference. I don’t hate them, I have grown to appreciate difference and be more adaptable.

I enjoy drawing on the iPad, on Procreate, though I’m doing one physical spread in my journal each week, you can find these in my sketchbook and on Instagram as @analogkaur.

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What happened 48 days into Mul mantra mala Sadhana
July 20, 2020

In the last week of June, I decided to do 90 Days of Mul Mantra Mala, I’m still going with it and I wanted to record what’s been happening so far, I hope it gets better!

Mul mantra is a mantra that contains everything- for example, you can translate Nirbhao Nirvair to no fear no hate, and Gur Prasad everything is a gift from Waheguru, it sets your day up to be in that vibration and focus.

It’s a much longer meditation to do on a mala, around 40 minutes compared with 20 minutes of Waheguru Simran I did for 40 Days.

I feel it is a stepping stone to getting my Nitnem and Sikhi learnings back on track. I first learned about Mul mantra from Kundalini yoga and chanted it for hours along with others before being blessed with Amrit.

At the start, my focus was to complete the meditation days and self promote a yoga course I created. Well, after 20 days and weekly 2 hour stints at my computer scheduling things when I desperately wanted baby-free me time away from the constricts of a computer screen, I let self-promotion of Yoga go.

I switched to teaching a meditation class weekly as the preparation is better aligned with how much time I have. Even so, with no one coming that is falling by the wayside. There’s been a lot going some weeks at home to teach in a room for any amount of time seems near impossible.

During this time we came out of Covid-19 lockdown and everything eased, despite the new compulsory face masks to be worn in shops and there are still queues to get into shops.

I’ve sat in a lot of uncertainty in this time, there were two mornings that I felt really low and still did my Sadhana. One was they after a job interview that went well, only afterward I realised the hours were more than I could do and even if I got the job, I couldn’t take it.

Another was my Nannie had passed and I was still processing, it wasn’t a shock as she was unwell and 95. It’s the little things like going to see her at the flats, passing me homemade scrunchy, and chatting on the phone I miss. There feels a lost connection West London where she lived, her Eulogy was beautiful and though it was a small ceremony with 14 people, it was perfect.

In this time I experienced a massive hormonal/serotonin drop and it felt like I had fallen into depression. I couldn’t focus or complete any creative task and generally thought that my marriage was over! It has thankfully eased though I had enough ‘irritated for no reason’ and ‘seeing no sense of happiness till 5 PM and being in survival mode’ times to talk honestly with a doctor before deciding a herbal route. I’m convinced it’s hormonal and manageable.

In good news, I am almost there to enrolling in a Counselling course starting in September, with the fees sorted too! As the days have gone on (I’m Day 53 as of finishing this) I’m feeling more myself than during this whole time, I feel like the lens of perspective and possibility is changing.

If you are interested in meditation with a mala watch this video on my Youtube channel.

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#tarankaursjournal #artjournal #journaling #metime #play #paint #memories
    My ultimate favorite pose is… Camel pose. In a k My ultimate favorite pose is… Camel pose. In a kneeling position, the knees and lower legs are two fists apart. The knees are pressed into the floor as you lift up and away from the lower back, rooting from the navel and tucking the tailbone in. Chest expanded and chin pulled in to connect your neck to the upper spine. The head goes fully back, keeping it tucked in and flowing with your arch. Pressing the hips forward to deepen it. ⠀
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Backbends FEEL great as the spine is being elongated, hips are opening and lower back protected by strong root lock, navel towards the spine. ⠀
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They stimulate the nervous system, improves flexibility of the neck and spine, releases backache, stretches the throat, and opens the heart - releasing stress, anxiety, and fears to be felt and released. ⠀
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What’s your most enjoyable/ go-to pose? Tell Taran below⠀
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#yogawithtaran #kundalini #yoga #pose #sunset
    In May, I created a Yoga course for Beginners. I w In May, I created a Yoga course for Beginners. I wanted to start here for a few reasons: I get a lot of beginners to the class who have never done Kundalini Yoga before, I speak to people who want to learn some stretches before they begin their meditation practice and I simply live for Sadhana time, a time where I can move my body in different ways other than horizontal, to breathe and be present - in whatever form, circumstance, the mood I may be in. ⠀
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Kundalini Yoga for Beginners is a 4-week E-Course to improve your flexibility and start your day feeling grounded and happier. It’s an opportunity for you to learn the Kundalini practice of breath-work and movement to get your blood circulated, muscles oxygenated and mind and body in better balance. It’s a self-led journey where each week's new course material is up for you to explore. ⠀
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This course is unique in that it primarily focuses on movement and breathwork, it’s ideally practiced in the mornings when it’s quiet, there are no complicated mantras and songs to sing here (not yet anyway). It’s Yoga, plain and simple - powerful stuff!⠀
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In the Beginners course you will find:⠀
* 4 modules of short posture videos⠀
* 4 short yoga sets between 27-45 mins long⠀
* 2 breath meditations⠀
* 4 printer-friendly posture sheets to continue your morning practice ⠀
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It’s ideal for those with busy schedules (or lack of it at the moment) perhaps you can’t get to a live class and want to do it in your own time. This is a course for complete beginners, to beginners and beyond to enjoy in the mornings or whenever you can get to your mat. ⠀
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Kundalini Yoga for Beginners has an Early bird price available till midnight 10th July 2020, get the course for $27.60 (that’s approx £21.43) after that it goes up to full price. ⠀
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Head to:⠀
>www.taranjeetkaur. com/shop/⠀
>Go to profile link Beginners Yoga E-Course⠀
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#yogawithtaran #yogawithtarankaur #yogabeginners #beginneryoga #ecourse #yogaonline #kundaliniyoga #kundalini
    View from the car window and the last time we met View from the car window and the last time we met @secretly.ch.ana⠀
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#tarankaursphotos #lumix #covid19 #maskson #throwback
    I find the Vagus nerve fascinating - it's the main I find the Vagus nerve fascinating - it's the main and longest parasympathetic nerve in the body. It runs from the brain stem to the gut and regulates heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, and even speaking and swallowing. It is the hub of the mind-body connection. Long deep breathing, exercise, and meditation soothe our nervous system and we are better able to rest, digest, sleep well, and heal. ⠀
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We stimulate and soothe the Vagus nerve in Yoga class, a tune-up for our entire being and time to breathe and be. ⠀
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> To join a weekly class head to Yoga Classes link in bio ⠀
>To try a beginner's set, an hour class, or learn more visit Yoga with Taran Kaur on Youtube.⠀
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#yogawithtaran #yogawithtarankaur #tarankaurdraws #vagusnerve #yoga #meditation
    The other day I finished 40 Days of Mala Simran! I The other day I finished 40 Days of Mala Simran! I find a Mala to be a great tool when getting to my meditation space is hard, or easy to make an excuse not to do Sadhana. For example, being woken up multiple times by a baby and having enough hayfever for it to feel like flu, every day. It hangs above my sheepskin as a reminder. Go. Meditate. Go. Have. Me. Time. Now. In. The. Quiet. ⠀
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My pink Mala may look fancy and showy though I made it while pregnant, I couldn’t concentrate so I learned how to make Malas on Youtube and kept myself busy. I chose rose pink and mother of pear as they fit the theme, I used them to meditate during pregnancy and afterward cos like I said, no focus and a lot of hormones. My wooden one was given to me by my wonderful friend Channah, it’s simple, the beads are bigger and it works great!⠀
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To find out what happened in 40 Days of Mala Simran:⠀
Head to > bio links latest blog post!⠀
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#yogawithtarankaur #mala #meditation #simran
    Today marks the birthday of a friend and someone I Today marks the birthday of a friend and someone I supported, I’ve come to recognize that it doesn’t matter how long you know a person but the impact they had on you. Also, you don’t need to change the lives or win the hearts of many, to have an impact on people. My friend had Muscular Dystrophy, he was the most wonderful conversationalist and most stubborn person I have ever known.⠀
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He had many things against him (with MD your muscles don't develop as you get older into your twenties, they get weaker and go onto affect your muscles used for breathing). M could only use his fingers to move his chair and refused to be called limited. I am LIMITLESS. In the last few months, we talked about death, openly. I asked if he preferred I remember his birthday or his D day, he chose birthday, because they're fun and there’s cake. In the last few weeks, he asked if I was going to be ok (a 21-year-old who was finding everything harder in hospital, wanted to live, asked me) and I replied with the words you see in my journal. As long as I have Art and Yoga in life I will be ok.⠀
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It's the little things about that time that make me smile and the bigger lessons that changed my life too. ⠀
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This was back in 2017, pre-Sikhi days. I’ve painted on and off since then though I haven’t fully enjoyed it and felt a miraculous flow till lately. I started journaling again while catching up on Greyson Perry’s Art Club on Channel 4 (an AMAZING program in lockdown) and in the same week found my book on Art & Yoga that I read at my Sadhana space. Because I’m still an artist. ⠀
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#tarankaurjournals #workinprogress #wip #musculardystrophy #dmd #duchenne
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