There have been two really great online resources that have made their way to my experience this week, one is by an author who I’ve finished reading a book of and the other is on Basics of Sikhi channel on Youtube.
These re highlight a shift in my own thinking and although they are totally different from each other, they walk hand in hand and bring about a positive sense of self and personal growth.
Byron Katie is founder of The Work, a process of self enquiry to get through any beliefs and blocks that are holding you back from your magnificence. You can find out more and do it online for free on her website and youtube. Loving what is definitely one of those books that has changed my thinking, I do her process of self enquiry all the time! Sometimes it will be in a park with notebook, other times I’m doing something like washing up or on a bus and doing the 4 questions then a turn around and open up a new perspective.
In the video below the statement ‘I need a boyfriend’ is put up to enquiry. This really interests me as I spent years with this statement myself even if I didn’t really know that’s what I was putting out, it was there. I see it happening to people around me, especially locally. Going from guy to guy is what is done but it doesn’t have to be. I chased love relationships again and again and again. What I should of and now can put my attention on is unconditional love for myself and another person would be a bonus. Another way of putting this is to have self love and also bring intimacy to everyday relationships. So much of my mental effort has been thinking outside of myself to one other person, when really I can be open and loving to myself and everyone.
Another video that blew me away and opened up my thinking further was Bhai Jagraj Singh on Basics of Sikhi. I first learnt about Sikhi last Summer 2016 and I have brought a lot of Sikhi into life/Sikhi has come to my life (I’m not ever sure of the actual way to word it, adopted a spiritual path?) I will get round to writing a post on it eventually. Anyway I knew that Sikh’s don’t date, already that raised questions as so much of my life and Western society is about getting together, hooking up, seeing each other – all words for dating.
The video talks about girlfriend/boyfriend material and wife/husband material being totally separate things. Radical huh? Can’t my boyfriend/girlfriend become my married partner over time? Sometimes that happens, though usually they are totally different ways of life and energies and just lead to heartbreak (talking from experience here).
An analogy I really related to was that about baggage, though he was talking about something else I can describe it differently. When your at a hotel you give a Concierge your bags to take up to your room. Imagine that in the past you’ve treated your partner as a concierge giving them 5 bags or more to the room (relationship). That takes up time, space and energy! People just keep going adding more and more bags. When stopping, stopping chasing you get grounded, baggage falls away and you can go as one to find the one.
Being clear about what you want is important too, I’m not ready to get married is definitely true for me right now. My last relationship was the best and worst of my life, from it I grew. Maybe I will feel differently after a year, maybe it will take 1000 days. Is marriage like having children where you are never really ready you just learn as you go?! I do want to find someone who matches what I want to do in life and someone worthy of my heart.
One last point on relationships and love is a set of words that I’ve included in my affirmations: to bring intimacy to everyday relationships, be an observer to people’s actions and to trust the love I want will show up!