In the last week of June, I decided to do 90 Days of Mul Mantra Mala, I’m still going with it and I wanted to record what’s been happening so far, I hope it gets better!

Mul mantra is a mantra that contains everything- for example, you can translate Nirbhao Nirvair to no fear no hate, and Gur Prasad everything is a gift from Waheguru, it sets your day up to be in that vibration and focus.

It’s a much longer meditation to do on a mala, around 40 minutes compared with 20 minutes of Waheguru Simran I did for 40 Days.

I feel it is a stepping stone to getting my Nitnem and Sikhi learnings back on track. I first learned about Mul mantra from Kundalini yoga and chanted it for hours along with others before being blessed with Amrit.

At the start, my focus was to complete the meditation days and self promote a yoga course I created. Well, after 20 days and weekly 2 hour stints at my computer scheduling things when I desperately wanted baby-free me time away from the constricts of a computer screen, I let self-promotion of Yoga go.

I switched to teaching a meditation class weekly as the preparation is better aligned with how much time I have. Even so, with no one coming that is falling by the wayside. There’s been a lot going some weeks at home to teach in a room for any amount of time seems near impossible.

During this time we came out of Covid-19 lockdown and everything eased, despite the new compulsory face masks to be worn in shops and there are still queues to get into shops.

I’ve sat in a lot of uncertainty in this time, there were two mornings that I felt really low and still did my Sadhana. One was they after a job interview that went well, only afterward I realised the hours were more than I could do and even if I got the job, I couldn’t take it.

Another was my Nannie had passed and I was still processing, it wasn’t a shock as she was unwell and 95. It’s the little things like going to see her at the flats, passing me homemade scrunchy, and chatting on the phone I miss. There feels a lost connection West London where she lived, her Eulogy was beautiful and though it was a small ceremony with 14 people, it was perfect.

In this time I experienced a massive hormonal/serotonin drop and it felt like I had fallen into depression. I couldn’t focus or complete any creative task and generally thought that my marriage was over! It has thankfully eased though I had enough ‘irritated for no reason’ and ‘seeing no sense of happiness till 5 PM and being in survival mode’ times to talk honestly with a doctor before deciding a herbal route. I’m convinced it’s hormonal and manageable.

In good news, I am almost there to enrolling in a Counselling course starting in September, with the fees sorted too! As the days have gone on (I’m Day 53 as of finishing this) I’m feeling more myself than during this whole time, I feel like the lens of perspective and possibility is changing.

If you are interested in meditation with a mala watch this video on my Youtube channel.